it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
