She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
