Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
