I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
