Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He felt like a one man threesome
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My penis needs a shock collar
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
