So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
