Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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