can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
