your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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