Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
