That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
