just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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