Me. At least after what I've been through.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
