well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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