Cold hands, warm shart.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
