i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
