god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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