after a month anything with tits is on the radar
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
