last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We are all done wearing pants today
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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