your parents love me but you hate me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
