I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
