when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
