I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
