I want to walk on stilts...naked
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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