Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
