i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Randomize
