just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
