I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
