So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
