You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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