I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
