That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
