I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
