Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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