i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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