Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
