can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
