His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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