Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
