but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
