When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
