Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
