new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
