i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
