Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
