did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
