Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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