she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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