I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
