i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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