Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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