At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
